Important Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional or a mental health expert. This article shares my personal journey and experiences, and it should not be considered medical advice, diagnosis, or a substitute for professional treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for any health concerns.
For months, I’ve been openly sharing on my Instagram about undergoing mental health treatment and receiving a new diagnosis. My followers know about my struggles with panic attacks, recurring bouts of anxiety, severe sleep disturbances, and even the daily challenge of simple tasks like leaving the house for the post office. There’s no need to beat around the bush any longer: I have been diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
You might believe you understand Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Honestly, I thought I did too. I was convinced there was no way I could have it, attributing all my struggles purely to anxiety. However, through my diagnostic journey and subsequent healing process, I’ve gained a profound insight into a truth we often acknowledge but rarely fully grasp: mental health, and especially mental illness, is profoundly misunderstood by society.
So, why am I discussing such a deeply personal and sensitive topic on a blog primarily focused on food and autoimmune health? The answer is simple yet powerful: everything in our health is interconnected, and I am a staunch advocate for holistic health and healing in all its forms and capacities.
Breaking the Silence: My Story to Shatter Mental Illness Stigma
Sharing this part of my life feels incredibly raw and vulnerable, even now. While I’m making significant progress and feel a renewed sense of control over my situation, I am acutely aware of the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health. My blog is my full-time profession, my business, and yet I’m choosing to disclose something still widely considered taboo. I recognize the potential risks, including the possibility of judgment from others simply for having a mental illness. Society often shies away from these discussions, labeling mental illness as strange, dangerous, or simply something to be kept hidden. We mistakenly believe that these struggles don’t affect “everyday people.” But they do.
When I first confided in close friends and family about my clinical OCD diagnosis and my ongoing treatment, their reactions were often disbelief. “You? Really?” For over two decades, no one—not even myself—recognized the clear patterns of OCD behaviors in me. This oversight stems partly from the widespread misunderstanding of OCD, but also from the tendency to view me as just an “everyday person” going about my life. We find it difficult to reconcile a seemingly happy and “normal” individual with the reality of mental illness. Yet, mental illness affects people from all walks of life. It affects me.
My hope in sharing my story is to actively challenge and dismantle this stigma. I want to convey that the Michelle you know today, who openly discusses her OCD, is the same Michelle you’ve known for years through this blog. My diagnosis doesn’t diminish my worth as a person, my capabilities in my work, my capacity for love, or my role as a wife, friend, or cat owner. It doesn’t make me any less “normal” or deserving of respect and understanding than anyone else without OCD. One moment I might be genuinely smiling and feeling happy, and the next, I could be consumed by anxiety, fear, and an overwhelming urge to perform compulsions. This duality doesn’t make me any less human. It doesn’t render my illness something to be feared or a topic that’s off-limits. I am the same individual, simply navigating another invisible illness, and this story, like so many others, deserves to be heard.
A Note Before Diving into My OCD Diagnosis Details
Before I delve into the specifics of my diagnosis and treatment, I want to address something crucial. At the risk of sounding unappreciative, I kindly ask for your sensitivity and understanding: I am currently undergoing successful treatment with qualified professionals and am not sharing my story to seek advice on treatment strategies. I genuinely value the incredible kindness and support from each of my readers, and I am immensely grateful to be part of a community where we uplift one another. However, with hundreds of thousands of readers, receiving advice on various management strategies—especially while I am actively engaged in a tailored healing process—can be incredibly overwhelming and, at times, counterproductive to my progress. My journey is unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Thank you for respecting my boundaries and understanding that I am actively living and managing this condition under professional guidance on my healing journey. Your understanding means the world to me!
How Was My Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Diagnosed?
Looking back, I’ve recognized a lifelong struggle with some form of anxiety. As a child, I was perpetually anxious, and panic attacks began to surface during my college years. Irrational fears and behaviors were a constant companion. Over the years, I consulted various therapists, one of whom immediately prescribed anti-anxiety medication and diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Yet, this diagnosis never fully resonated; it felt incomplete.
Interestingly, significant diet and lifestyle changes profoundly impacted my overall mental health. Reducing my intake of coffee, sugar, and certain grains helped me achieve a more balanced state, where anxiety wasn’t a constant overwhelming issue in my adult life. For a period, I genuinely believed I had found my way to manage it.
However, in recent months, these symptoms flared up with alarming intensity. A confluence of factors contributed: taking on numerous exciting but significant new projects (like transitioning my blog to full-time work), alongside other health triggers that I’ll touch upon later. And sometimes, frankly, a flare-up simply happens without a clear, singular cause. But a flare-up it was.
Suddenly, my anxiety returned with a vengeance. Panic attacks became frequent, I developed inexplicable habits, and was plagued by irrational fears and guilt over seemingly nothing. Some days, the mere thought of leaving the house felt insurmountable.
Once again, I began searching for therapists specializing in anxiety. But, just as before, it didn’t feel like the right fit. There was still a missing piece.
Now, for a fascinating glimpse into a blogger’s brain and the rather unconventional catalyst for my diagnosis: I was brainstorming a fun Instagram story idea. I planned to ask my followers, “If you were on an episode of MTV’s ‘True Life,’ what would it be about?” I imagined humorous responses like “True Life: I’m obsessed with my cat” or “True Life: I’m always looking for green plantains.” Then, a vivid “flashbulb memory” struck me—an actual episode of that very show: “True Life, I have OCD.” In that instant, a chilling realization washed over me: “Oh my gosh… why do I relate to that so much? Could that be me?”
Fueled by this sudden connection, I immediately went to YouTube, searching for clips similar to what I’d seen years ago about people living with OCD. I watched their behaviors, listened to their feelings of being trapped and confused. It was uncanny. Their experiences mirrored mine with unsettling accuracy.
This discovery felt incredibly random, yet undeniably profound. I truly believe it was a moment of divine guidance, leading me to this revelation after years of feeling that “anxiety-exclusive” treatment wasn’t fully addressing my struggles.
I promptly Googled “OCD therapist Dallas, TX” and found Justin K. Hughes, making an appointment without delay. I was cautious not to self-diagnose, explaining to Justin that I had symptoms *similar* to OCD. He appreciated my humility, which I felt was essential! Following a thorough assessment, I was indeed diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. My condition was categorized as moderate on the spectrum, meaning I could function without immediate medication or inpatient treatment. However, it was severely impairing my daily life, and professional treatment was absolutely crucial for my recovery.
Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Beyond Misconceptions
The term “OCD” is frequently, and often flippantly, used in popular culture. We tend to act as if anyone who enjoys organizing their kitchen pantry or prefers things a certain way has “a little OCD.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. OCD is not simply a preference for a tidy desk or a discerning eye for a misplaced tile. It’s far more than a preference for blue pens over black. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is a severe and debilitating mental illness. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) ranks OCD among the top 10 most debilitating illnesses overall—not just mental illnesses, but illnesses as a whole! This statistic underscores the profound suffering and significant impact OCD has on the lives of those affected.
At its core, OCD is characterized by two main components: obsessions and compulsions. An **obsession** is a persistent, intrusive thought, image, urge, or fear that is disturbing, unwanted, and distressing. These thoughts often feel alien and can be about a wide range of topics, such as contamination, harm to self or others, symmetry, religion, or unacceptable sexual thoughts. To alleviate the intense discomfort, anxiety, or distress caused by these obsessions, individuals engage in **compulsions**. These are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rigid rules. Examples include excessive cleaning, checking, ordering, counting, or mentally reviewing events. The compulsion provides a temporary sense of relief, a feeling that it might prevent the feared outcome or neutralize the intrusive thought.
Most individuals with OCD are aware, at some level, that their fears and compulsions are irrational or excessive. However, this intellectual understanding is rarely enough to stop the cycle. This is because people with OCD often have brains that are wired differently, affecting neurochemical pathways related to fear, anxiety, and decision-making. It’s not a matter of simply “snapping out of it.”
The tragic reality is that OCD traps individuals in a vicious cycle. The compulsion only offers momentary solace, quieting the obsession for a brief period before it inevitably returns, often with greater intensity. This pattern can escalate, with obsessions and compulsions becoming more distressing, more time-consuming, and more entrenched. The person feels increasingly trapped in a disturbing, laborious, and seemingly unbreakable loop, profoundly impacting their quality of life.
My Long Journey to Diagnosis: Why It Took So Long
Looking back, I can trace varying degrees of OCD symptoms throughout my life, as far back as I can remember. The average time it takes for someone to be diagnosed with OCD is over a decade. For me, it took until I was 27 to finally receive a proper diagnosis. There are several systemic and personal reasons for this prolonged delay:
- Widespread Misunderstanding of Mental Health: My perception of OCD was limited and stereotypical. I believed it was solely about people meticulously arranging their desk or wanting things to look a certain way. I had no idea what clinical OCD actually entailed, nor that its diverse manifestations could include my own internal struggles. This lack of accurate information prevented me from connecting my symptoms to the disorder.
- The Pervasive Stigma Around Mental Health: Had I felt comfortable speaking up about my distressing symptoms earlier, I likely would have sought and received help much sooner. However, the immense societal stigma surrounding mental illness—the fear of being judged, misunderstood, or ostracized—silenced me, just as it silences countless others. I, too, was caught in its powerful grip, hesitant to voice my struggles.
- Inadequate Mental Health Care: My experience included a therapist who, after a brief consultation, immediately prescribed medication (Clonazepam) for generalized anxiety. While I don’t blame that specific therapist—doctors and therapists, like all humans, can make mistakes—it highlights a significant issue within mental healthcare. Misdiagnoses or incomplete diagnoses are a reality for many, delaying appropriate and effective treatment for conditions like OCD. This often means people cycle through various treatments that aren’t targeted to their specific needs, prolonging suffering.
My Personal Manifestations: What Were My OCD Symptoms?
OCD is incredibly diverse, manifesting in a myriad of different ways across individuals. The core of any manifestation always traces back to the underlying fears and the purpose behind engaging in the compulsive cycle. For me, my deepest fears revolved around something terrible happening, and it being *my* fault due to a mistake or oversight. This could range from catastrophic scenarios like leaving the oven on and the house burning down, to anxieties around driving, or intense fears in social situations about offending a friend or colleague and irrevocably damaging relationships.
The primary way my compulsions manifested was through **checking**. Before leaving the house or going to bed, I would check locks, appliances (like the stove and iron), and other potential hazards countless times – often 5-6 times, sometimes significantly more. I would frequently have to turn my car around after driving away, driven by an overwhelming urge to re-check something I wasn’t convinced I had adequately verified. At my worst, I resorted to taking out my phone to capture photos and videos of locked doors or turned-off appliances, hoping visual proof would quell the anxiety. Once I was in the car, my first action would be to *immediately* check the security camera feed of our house. The remainder of my time spent outside the home would be largely consumed by terrifying thoughts and ruminations about the worst possible scenarios unfolding back at home.
This relentless cycle stole my ability to enjoy precious time with my husband, family, or friends. My mind was constantly racing with fears: the house burning down, someone breaking in, getting into a car accident on the way home, my website crashing and my business failing, and an endless loop of other catastrophic thoughts. Leaving the house became an agonizing ordeal, and once I was out, I was a nervous wreck, consumed by anxiety about *everything* imaginable.
These same patterns plagued me during vacations, work trips, and any occasion that took me away from home. Simple, everyday tasks that most people take for granted—like stepping out the door or driving a short distance—were invariably followed by severe anxiety, profound fear, and exhaustive cycles of compulsions. It felt like living in a constant state of high alert and mental exhaustion.
It’s crucial to understand that **no two people’s OCD looks exactly the same.** My experience with checking compulsions driven by fear of responsibility is just one manifestation. Many individuals exhibit symptoms that might appear similar to OCD but do not necessarily have the disorder. The distinction lies in understanding the *why* behind these behaviors and the intense, distressing fears that fuel them. It’s about the underlying cognitive processes and the distress they cause, not just the observable actions.
How Does an OCD Diagnosis Change Me as a Person?
Here’s the fundamental truth: I am still the same person. I can almost guarantee that you won’t randomly observe overt OCD behaviors in me unless you are my husband, privy to my most private struggles. Most of my compulsive behaviors occur within the confines of my home, and my fears are largely, if not entirely, internalized. If you didn’t notice it before, you almost certainly won’t notice it now. In fact, now that I am undergoing effective treatment, there are far *fewer* outward signs of my OCD.
I have always been the person with OCD; the difference now is that I am actively receiving treatment, and as a result, I feel significantly better than I did before my diagnosis.
This diagnosis does not alter who I am at my core. If anything, it has deepened my empathy for others struggling with mental illness and ignited an even greater passion within me to advocate for openness and transparency, helping to break down the stigma that has silenced so many for too long. My journey with OCD has, in a profound way, made me more resilient, more compassionate, and more determined to contribute to a world where mental illness is understood and destigmatized.
My Current Journey: Treatment and Progress
I have been under the consistent care of a dedicated therapist since the summer, and I am thrilled to report significant improvements in my daily life. What was once an insurmountable challenge has become much more manageable. For example, I used to be utterly unable to go to bed without meticulously checking the locks and appliances at least 5-6 times—and often many more, depending on my anxiety levels. Now, I’ve reduced this compulsion to typically checking only once, and there are even times when I forget to check altogether, a victory I couldn’t have imagined months ago! This is just one illustration, but across the board, my overall well-being has markedly improved, and I feel a profound sense of relief and greater control.
My treatment regimen primarily involves a combination of talk therapy, exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). During talk therapy sessions, I engage in deep discussions with my therapist to uncover the root causes of my compulsions, understand the specific fears driving them, and explore the cognitive distortions that fuel my OCD cycle. From this understanding, we collaboratively develop a strategic plan for how I can gradually expose myself to my fears in a controlled environment, while actively working to reduce and ultimately cease performing compulsions. This systematic approach, particularly ERP, is widely recognized as one of the most effective treatments for OCD.
It is important to reiterate that this specific treatment approach has been effective *for me personally*. It is not a blanket recommendation for what everyone should pursue for OCD. I firmly believe that the most crucial step for anyone experiencing symptoms of OCD or any mental health challenge is to work closely with a qualified therapist to develop a personalized treatment plan tailored to their unique needs and circumstances. Customization is key to effective and sustainable healing.
Looking Ahead: Integrating Mental and Physical Health
My treatment journey is ongoing, and I am committed to continuing this path. I have even involved my husband in therapy sessions, as his support and understanding are invaluable to my recovery process. Having a strong support system is paramount when navigating mental illness.
Beyond traditional therapy, I had a strong intuition—a gut feeling, quite literally—that there might be an underlying health trigger contributing to my OCD. The profound connection between our mind and body is undeniable, and I believe they must be treated as an integrated whole. The vagus nerve, a crucial pathway, links our gut and brain, making me continually aware that my gut health could be intrinsically connected to my OCD symptoms. Recently, I consulted my doctor, Dr. Anne Coleman, to undergo follow-up gut health testing, and the results were truly astonishing to me!
My most recent stool test revealed significant improvements in the integrity of my gut lining and overall digestion compared to a previous test conducted a few years ago—a wonderful testament to my commitment to real, whole foods! However, the results also highlighted areas where my beneficial gut bacteria were lacking. Our gut microbiome plays a critical role in sending signals to our brain, influencing mood, cognition, and overall mental well-being, so maintaining healthy gut flora is incredibly important. Even more surprisingly, something entirely new appeared on my test: Streptococcus. Yes, streptococcus in my gut! My therapist, my doctor, and various research articles I consulted online all confirmed a well-established correlation between streptococcus and certain mental health disorders, including PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections) and, notably, OCD.
My doctor has since referred me to a local specialist to better address the streptococcus issue (I’ll share more details after that appointment, so stay tuned!). In the meantime, I’ve intensified my focus on the very gut health practices I’ve long advocated for, which include:
- Taking a physician-prescribed probiotic to support a balanced microbiome.
- Consistently incorporating more fermented foods into my diet to naturally enhance gut flora.
- Prioritizing better liver care through supplements like milk thistle and consciously reducing sugar intake, as liver health impacts detoxification and overall systemic balance.
- Actively focusing on improving my digestion through mindful eating and supportive habits.
- And other holistic approaches to foster a healthy internal environment.
For those interested in delving deeper into the fascinating connection between gut health and mental health, I encourage you to read this insightful article on Healthline, where I shared my personal journey and strategies for managing anxiety and mental health struggles by prioritizing gut health!
A Crucial Clarification: Diet Alone Is Not a Cure-All
This journey often leads to a common question: “Wait, so did diet just cure all of this?” My answer is unequivocal: Diet plays an incredibly vital role in everything related to our health. However, it is not, and never has been, a cure-all for complex mental illnesses like OCD.
At the height of my mental health challenges, my illness had reached a point where it undeniably required one-on-one professional care from a therapist specializing in OCD. Even when I was working as a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP) myself, I was *constantly* advising my clients to seek out and pursue therapy alongside dietary interventions. While a healthy diet can profoundly improve gut health, stabilize mood, reduce inflammation, and support overall well-being, it cannot, by itself, resolve deep-seated past traumas, deeply ingrained fears, or complex behavioral patterns that characterize conditions like OCD. Diet matters immensely, but it is just one crucial piece of a much larger, intricate puzzle.
Many of my OCD triggers and underlying fears are intricately tied to past traumas and life experiences. The unfortunate truth is that you simply cannot eat enough kale, or any other superfood, to heal trauma. Trauma requires a different kind of healing, often through therapeutic work, emotional processing, and cognitive restructuring.
My belief is that everyone, regardless of their current health status, can significantly benefit from adopting both a healthy, nourishing diet *and* engaging in therapy. These approaches are not mutually exclusive; rather, they are powerful complements that can work synergistically to foster comprehensive and sustainable healing. Holistic health embraces both the physiological and psychological dimensions of our being.
If My Story Resonates With You: What to Do Next
If you’ve read my story and found yourself nodding along, recognizing aspects of your own experiences, or suspecting that you might be struggling with similar issues, my most sincere and urgent advice is this: Talk to someone. I cannot stress this enough. Please remember that I am not a therapist, a doctor, or any form of mental health professional. Therefore, I am not qualified to answer questions related to your personal mental health journey, nor do I have the expertise to offer medical advice or diagnoses. My insights are limited to my own story and lived experiences.
Every individual’s mental health journey is profoundly unique and complex. What worked for me might not be the exact path for you, but the fundamental principle remains: you deserve professional support tailored to your specific needs. Reach out to a qualified mental health professional – a therapist, psychiatrist, or counselor – who can provide an accurate assessment, offer appropriate guidance, and help you navigate your unique path toward healing and well-being.
Well, that was a lot to share, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read through my journey. I sincerely hope that by sharing my experience with OCD, it has helped to increase your understanding of this often-misunderstood condition. Perhaps it has made mental illness feel a little less alien, a little more human, and a bit more understood in general. And maybe, just maybe, it has inspired you to consider seeking your own help or encouraging someone you know to do the same. Whatever impact this story has had, please know that I am sending so much love and heartfelt prayers your way. We all have a unique journey and a story that deserves to be heard, and crucially, every single one of us deserves access to help and support on our path to healing and living a fulfilling life.